This post marks the revival of my blog.
Since my last post, quite a bit has changed.
Love lost, love regained.
Love comes in many forms, and wraps and engulfs yourself when you don’t expect it.
And in ways you can’t explain sometimes.
It makes you do things you wouldn’t otherwise do; it makes you do irrational things.
If someone asks you why you did it, there’s only one answer to that question.
“…because it felt right”.
I’ve been battling between the two drivers, emotion and reasoning, for years. Since the first time I feel in love.
It came to me as a rude shock because it was love I had to lose, for someone that did not want me. They were these deep intense feelings I felt for someone, who did not wish to reciprocate them back. They were deep intense feelings that were alien to me, and ones I could not deal with.
As part of the healing process, I began to examine the feelings, and how they came about. It was then that I discovered the 2 drivers behind all that we do.
Sometimes you think things through before doing them, at others, you just do it because intuition, your heart, your emotions, they tell you what to do.
It’s at times like this, when your brain, with a big smirk, comes by and begins to gloat at you, telling you that you should have thought things through. You should have thought twice.
You should have applied logic and reason.
But you know, you can’t just reason out everything in life. Else we’d be robots that follow predictable well defined paths. At times you just gotta take that leap of faith, to take risks that others wouldn’t usually take.
Alas, I am so often tempted by matters of the heart, and been down this path many a times, that I know what to expect, and how to best deal with it. I suppose in some ways, I am a veteran of heartbreak.
Others will tell you to move on, but I don’t think they realize just how difficult that otherwise usually task can be. I think I choose to dwell on these feelings of sorrow, because it gives me an opportunity to be
in touch with my heart, with myself.
Now is not the time for regret, now is the time for healing. What’s done is done.
And yes also, to move on.
But just give me a moment to dwell in this pool of sorrow, in this hole I dug myself.